


Should I Go? Should I Stay?

by MidnightCassiopeia



Category: VIXX
Genre: Cha Hakyeon | N-centric, Disfigurement, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I mean watch the mv, Knives, Lee Hongbin-centric, Lots of torture, Pain, Torture, Voodoo Doll (MV), broken glass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 02:11:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17275136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightCassiopeia/pseuds/MidnightCassiopeia
Summary: They are kept in near constant pain, escape nothing more than an impossible dream, until one day Hakyeon wakes to a mystery and a tantalizing possibility. They take their chances and pay a high price.





	Should I Go? Should I Stay?

                N waited silently, collapsed against a torn and trashed couch, the hooks and strings laced through his skin numbed long ago. He knew she would be back, the pain she caused ever worse. He waited, quietly, watching as the others in their respective rooms cried, prowled, tried to tug at the horrid hooks and strings, refreshing the pain, or stood, anger or fear radiating off them, waiting like him for her return. They all knew any respite from the pain she so loved was brief and they all, no matter how they tried to hide it, feared it.

                She had disfigured them all in some way or another, burning Ken, causing bark to grow on Hyuck, beating Leo, who no doubt had internal bleeding even greater than any visible wound. N himself had staples up and down his arms and she had shattered and stabbed glass into Hongbin’s arms and then changed one of his eyes, suddenly decided she liked Ravi better and changed both his eyes instead. That was something else she did, played favorites. Her favorite changed almost every week, but more often than not it was either Hongbin or Ravi. Although this meant more torment more pain and N could never envy them.

                He jumped as a chair scraped across the floor and he looked up to see her familiar smirk as she picked up the voodoo doll. He grimaced. So it was pain for all of them today, the doll was tied to all of them after all. He tried to brace himself, but he felt an abrupt stabbing pain to his skull and he crumbled screaming as she stabbed and pulled and bent the doll in ways that were not natural to a human body.

                Finally she tired of her play and stood, walking around the room to survey her work. A sudden anger welled up inside of him and N stood and lunged, forgetting about the hooks, forgetting that he did not want to aggravate the staples or strings and hissed in pain as he reached for their tormenter. She laughed as she continued around, watching Ravi snarl at her, Ken almost reaching longingly as if he thought she would give them the freedom they so desperately craved.  All of them were varying degrees of desperate and angry and N could feel the undercurrent of hate circling the room as she settled back at the table. That was his last coherent thought for the day as she resumed her torture.

 

                “N? N-hyung?”

                The voice was timid, quiet, almost nonexistent as if afraid that speaking would summon the witch. N looked over at Hyuck, his sad eyes as he stood at the bars, bark covered arms almost covering him in an attempt to self-comfort, drew N in further, pity for their youngest welled up as Hyuck opened his mouth to speak again.

                “Are we ever going to be free again Hyung?”

                “Yes. Yes, we are Hyuck. Don’t you dare lose hope.”

 The quiet but fierce voice from the room across from him startled him and he looked over to see Leo looking at Hyuck, pain riddled his face as he pulled the hooks and strings tight to get to the fence covering the entrance, but there was a fierce determination in his eyes and stance that N had always admired Leo for.

He nodded along before adding himself, “yes. I promise Hyuck. We’ll find a way.”

 

 

                He sat up suddenly, opening his dark brown eyes and looking around. Something was wrong. He could move freely with little to no pain in his back. He reached around, feeling for the strings that should be pulled taut and tugging at his flesh and felt nothing. He stood and stepped through the jagged glass before hurrying over to the table in the center of the room and grabbing the keys the witch left there in plain sight to taunt them. He hurried toward Hyuck’s cage, already planning to free everyone, but knowing that the youngest should be the first freed.

                He rattled the bars a little as he unlocked them and he stopped a moment to make sure she had not heard. He quickly pulled Hyuck out to the center room and left him to rub his eyes free of sleep as he looked about in confusion. Leo was next and then Ken, who looked on with tired eyes, movements sluggish, quietly warning that they would be caught, then Ravi, and Hongbin. They had all woken, all had noticed the lack of binding hooks and string, they were all waiting as he hurried to unlock their doors. Quickly they slipped out, hurrying down unfamiliar halls, hearts in their throats as they turned each corner, worried they would find the witch. 

                They made it to a room with a staircase before they felt it, the stabbing pain of the voodoo doll and the witch’s many instruments. No one moved, no one breathed, they were motionless, silent, fear still gripped them as they hid in the room.

                Leo doubled over and then Ken was crying, almost falling over as the pain tripled. They all felt it then, the multiplying pain, the pull as they were called back to their mistress. Suddenly Ken, was lifted into the air, still clutching his head as the others watched in horror through the haze of agony as he was dragged back through the doorway. Hyuck was next, the boy too tired to resist anymore. N watched as they all disappeared, Hongbin reaching out for them, the terror in his eyes ripping into N as he watched helplessly. And then he too was dragged back.

                 She glared at them, curled up on the floor at her feet, pathetic, useless, _ungrateful_ pets that had betrayed her. Contemplating, she decided that the youngest must be dealt with first. Teach them to influence him against her! Especially after she had been so kind and trusting and removed the hooks. She reached for Hyuck, the boy whimpered and curled up further as she wrapped her hand in his hair, already searching through her instruments of torture to punish the boy. Leo struggled up, but she simply flicked at the doll, sending him sprawling back to the floor as a fresh wave of pain washed over all of them.

                “w-ait.”

                The woman stopped at the raspy, broken voice. One of her favorites, Ravi struggled to kneel, his X eyes staring unsettlingly up at her. N was shocked. Never had any one of them been able to speak so to her. Hongbin struggled up beside him, seeming to sense what he was going to ask.

                “Mistress, please let him go. Let all of them go. Take me, keep me, but let them go. They’ve suffered enough.” Ravi was shaking as he spoke, fear laced into his words, steadied with conviction.

                Hongbin shook his head before turning toward the witch himself.

                “I have been with you longer mistress. Please. Let all of them go. Keep me instead. Please. I beg you.” Hongbin was bowing, almost groveling as the witch stared down at him, a slow growing smirk spread over her face.

                Reaching down she yanked him up, studying his face as he reached up to detangle her fingers from his hair, face twisting as tears sprang to his eyes from the pain. Ravi reached to pull him back down but she kicked him away and he lay sprawled where he landed. Hyuck was forgotten, on the floor, having fallen when she reached for Hongbin. Ken curled around him as if to shield him, fear still shaking his thin frame. She nodded and dropped Hongbin. Turning around, none of them saw what she was doing, but N blinked as he looked around and found himself in a mansion, Leo, Ravi and Ken, who was still curled around Hyuck, with him.  Their youngest sat up, hugging Ken as he did so.

                “What happened…? Where is Hongbin? Did…. Did she agree?” his voice wobbled, tears streaming down his cheeks as he clutched at his rough, bark covered arms as if trying to ground himself.

                Leo sat up, fury boiling in his sharp eyes, mouth opening in a scream as it sunk in that one of their own was missing, that the witch had stolen their second youngest. Ken curled further around Hyuck clutching at his shirt and Ravi scrabbled toward Leo, trying his best to get to the man and comfort him. N struggled up, moving toward the other four before collapsing between the two groups, reaching out to both.

                “We’ll get him back. I promise boys.”

                After Leo calmed down, they sat together a while, soaking in the fact that they were free, and consumed with thought of what the witch could be doing to Hongbin. Finally Leo struggled up from where he was sitting, reporting that he wanted to see if he could find a way to communicate with anyone and a way out of the mansion. The others nodded in understanding and waited for his return.

                While they waited, N turned to the others. Tilting his head he considered them for a moment before asking them something he had stopped allowing himself the luxury of after the witch punished him.

                “What are your real names? I mean the ones that you had before the witch gave you a new one. I’ll start with mine. It’s Cha Hakyeon.”

                Ravi sat up, eyeing the other two with them before turning to him and replying “Kim Wonsik. I can also tell you Hongbin was Hongbin even before she first got him. Lee Hongbin.”

                This made sense to Hakyeon as he knew that Ravi, no _Wonsik,_ had known Hongbin before everything and had been taken soon after his friend who had disappeared first. The two had been with the witch longest and Hakyeon could only imagine the strength and bravery it had taken for them to stand up to her.

                “I was Han Sanghyuck. She saw no reason to change my name too much.” Hyuck’s voice was still quiet and shy and Hakyeon found himself wanting to protect him even more.

                Ken shifted a bit, still hugging Sanghyuck close. “I was called Lee Jaehwan. Now that we’re free, what do we do? I know you and Leo want to free Hongbin, but how is that possible?”

                Leo stepped into the room then, face a little bit clearer as he nodded at Hakyeon. “I heard you coming in. My name was Jung Taekwoon. We will save Hongbin and I think I may have found a phone. I’m going to try calling on it. Hopefully we’ll receive help soon and then we can figure out how to get to Hongbin from there, ok?”

                Nodding Hakyeon moved toward Rav- no, Wonsik, he would have to get used to their actual names. He never wanted to use the witch-given ones again. He offered a hand to him and then helped him stand, watching as Sanghyuck and Jaehwan struggled up with Taekwoon’s help. They slowly made their way out of the room, following Taekwoon’s lead. He tested the old phone, and all of them held their breathe before they heard a scratchy dial tone and hope blossomed.

               Quickly Taekwoon dialed the emergency number, movements hurried but still meticulous now that they knew it worked. A voice on the other line picked up and he explained that they were hurt in an old, abandoned mansion somewhere in the woods. He was not sure where, but they needed help desperately. No, he did not know how they got there. All of them huddled together, listening to him speak to the operator, waiting to find out when and if they would receive help.

               A few hours later saw them loaded into Ambulances, Police men being shooed away by medics as they realized that these were men, no, _boys_ , who had been missing for months, even years. None of them were in any state to answer, so they were grateful as the medics lead them away. In the backs of their minds, they still worried for Hongbin and resolved to help him, but for now they needed to focus on themselves and getting better before they could hunt down their tormentor and her captive.

 

               They were treated, questioned and then finally, almost a full year later, they were left in relative peace to try to reintegrate into society and live normal lives. None of them had forgotten Hongbin, but they had had very little time to speak to each other about him as they wished to, what with the constant visits from authorities, who still could not figure out how and why five missing people had suddenly turned up in an abandoned mansion with such strange disfigurments, and regular doctor and psychologist visits. They had been unable to truly explain to anyone what they had gone through and as a result they had been unable to consider how to save him. Now, finally they were given a moment’s peace together a year later almost to the exact date. Hakyeon looked around. He wished desperately they could spend this free time on something a little happier and brighter, but Hongbin had given enough, suffered long enough. This small sacrifice was nothing to what he had given them.

               “How will we find her? We saw nothing. Not even when we were first captured by her.” Jaehwan was still nervous and jumpy, his sensitive nature had taken a sever thrashing in the years he had spent with the witch, “at least, I never saw anything.”

               “He’s right.” Sanghyuck was a little less shy and quiet now, having begun to open up a little with the help of his family and a kind psychiatrist he saw weekly, just as all of them did now. “I never saw anything, going in or being sent out. It was like she had us under a sleep spell or something.”

               “Is that truly a surprise after all is said and done?” Taekwoon leaned away from the table a little, the same determined light Hakyeon had admired in his eyes while with the witch still burned bright, although it was now joined by life and a warmth, he could feel just looking at the man. “Why not start from where we were found? Would it be so shocking if there were a portal or pathway of some sort in that old place? Much as I dread returning, Hongbin deserves it. The Witch destroyed so much and he sacrificed so much. We need to help him.”

               All of them agreed, Taekwoon’s suggestion made sense and they had very little to go off of at this point. They began planning, allowing Hakyeon to assign tasks such as readying food or clothing and driving to each of them. He had become familiar with all of their strengths and did his best to keep their small group together and as a result the others had turned to him as a leader. By the time a week was up, they were ready.

               They left quietly, notes left for their families, promising to return soon, saying they just wanted some time and space alone together. They'd found the house again no problem, the old facade overgrown, hidden but familiar to the boys who had found themselves there what felt like yesterday, but was exactly a year ago to the very day. Hakyeon hung back as the others entered to begin the search, looking up and suppressing a shiver as the air seemed suddenly colder. He hurried in after his friends, the feeling of eyes on his neck dismissed as thoughts of Hongbin and their quest to save him overtook the unease settled deep in his stomach. 

               They spent hours searching, carefully examining everything in each of the rooms until finally they reconvened in the entryway where they could keep an eye on all the doors. No one had found anything although Jaehwan admitted he had been a tad less than thorough in one of the rooms after feeling like he was being watched and subsequently panicking. Taekwoon offered to accompany him back to the room so they could re-evaluate it, but Hakyeon was distracted as his friends' voices seemed to fade and another, distinct, but recognizable cry of agony, a call for help, reached his ears, faint at first, but growing in volume as he followed it up the stairs and through the entryway at the top. He didn't hear as the other four realized he was missing and panicked, he did not hear as they called out for their leader. Hakyeon had found the doorway and he was going to save Hongbin, as he had saved them.

               The halls were familiar, memories of silence and fear of discovery assaulted him as he moved forward, the same tentative steps rewinding, although not with thoughts of his own escape this time, but of rescue and the escape of another. He stopped short suddenly, frozen as he looked into the room, the scene before him far too familiar and at the same time far worse than he remembered.

               He watched as the witch caressed Hongbin’s neck, both his eyes now the modified X’s that Wonsik’s had never recovered from, glass and cuts and scars littering his arms and body. The doll, the horrid voodoo doll that had put them all at her mercy was gripped protectively in his lap as she giggled, picking up a long, thick sharp instrument circling him before choosing a place to finally stab it into his arm, lacing it through like his skin and muscle were so much tissue paper. Hongbin did not even flinch, his form still in the center of the room. Hakyeon clenched his fist, guilt and a wish to apologize for how long he had had to wait bubbling up inside him. He stepped back but failed to notice as he kicked a stone, sending it skittering away into the darkness of the hall. He froze, the sound magnified as he waited for the Witch to come around the corner and discover him.

               He waited, and waited, and then finally relaxed as it seemed she had continued with her torture of Hongbin, laughter and giggles still emanated from the room. He hurried down the hall, knowing he needed to get back to the others. He could not do this alone. They needed to help Hongb—pain exploded in Hakyeon’s skull and black faded into the edges of his eyesight as he saw a figure leaning over him, cooing softly. Her long hair and beautifully cruel face recognizable to him even blurred by pain and fear, and then there was blackness.

 

               He awoke to pain, familiar, but oh so much worse than he remembered, his body having become unaccustomed to the torture it once endured daily. He moved slowly and sat up, the strings and familiarity of his cell hitting him as the broken glass and the table at the center of the room came into focus.

               Neither the witch nor Hongbin were there anymore and Hakyeon surged forward, panicked as he realized he had lost Hongbin and was now in the same position he had once escaped from. A slim, dark figure stepped in front of him as he hunched over, tears welling up as the fear washed over him.

               “Don’t cry doll. I’m so glad you came back. Ever since you freed my pets I have missed you so” the Witch’s smile was cruel as she twisted one of the hooks in his skin, eliciting a shriek of pain from him, “and Oh, how I have wanted to play with you! All the things I have wanted to do to you in retribution for _losing me my toys_.”

               She rushed over to the table, clutching up a needle and a long blade of glass. Giggling she returned to the boy shivering on the floor before her, a mix of pain, fear and guilt immobilizing him. Slowly she traced the glass along his skin, watching bemused as Hakyeon shivered harder, memories haunting him of long sessions of pain inflicted by her. Suddenly she raised it and stabbed him in the thigh in one swift motion, laughing as she tugged it out rapidly and stabbed it down again, uncaring of where the glass stabbed or broke or tore at his flesh. It was all Hakyeon could do to protect his head and face as she attacked him, screaming at him that it was his fault that her toys had left her.

               Suddenly she calmed. Turning she motioned to someone out of sight. “Ah but my favorite, my forever loyal pet did make amends beautifully.” Hongbin stepped toward the witch neither flinching away nor leaning into the caressing touch the Witch whispered over his arm, the doll still clutched protectively. “Such screams of pain I enjoyed the first nights after you left. But now he has brought you back to me. How _happy_ I am!”

               Hakyeon was struggling to stay awake now, blood loss and pain sending him spiraling into unconsciousness. The witch clucked, grabbing up the needle and thread she had retrieved before-hand.

               “No no, we can’t have that! You must be awake for the fun!” She stitched him back up then, muttering over the stitches as she worked. Hakyeon felt himself slowly becoming more aware again, no matter how he struggled to remain deep in the waters of blissful oblivion.

               He resurfaced coughing, pain seizing his chest as the Witch had begun to torture him again, a selection of needles and hooks being applied to his chest, and then to his arms as bile rose in his throat. He hated this. He hated it and how helpless he had become once again. He began to pray none of the other boys found the doorway like he had. He couldn’t bear the thought of any of the others enduring this pain again, not Stoic but Caring Taekwoon, not Nervous but Kind Jaehwan, Not Strong but Cautious Wonsik, Never Young and Fragile Sanghyuck, the maknae of their group. The thought of the others made him clench his teeth as the Witch continued his torture as he tried to figure a way out that would save Hongbin as well.

               Hongbin, the sacrificial man, the boy who had given up everything to allow them to have anything. He seemed so lifeless now, his movements mechanical and stiff whenever the Witch thought it would help her torture to tease Hakyeon with how she had tortured the boy and how pliant he was now.

               And then, she went too far. Hakyeon was not sure how much time had passed since he had first been foolish enough to follow the cries of pain into the house, but he knew he had been with her for a few days. It was like any other time when the witch would attack and torture him, when it happened.

               Suddenly losing her temper in the face of Hakyeon’s resolution to remain strong through the torture he was enduring, she began to stab him again as she had that first day but this time, there was no stopping, there was no abatement of the anger and violence. She continued to scream obscenities at him, blaming him for the loss of her “toys”, her “pets”. Hakyeon curled up, slowly realizing there was no way to avoid what she was doing to him, but instead of fear, he felt… gratitude. Yes, there was worry and regret at the thought of the rest of his friends, there was guilt in the face of his failure to rescue Hongbin, but ultimately there was gratefulness and peace as he realized he was going to be free of the pain and the torture. He curled up, still protecting his face, ripping at the hooks embedded in his skin.

               “It’s your fault! It’s _your fault_! If you had just stayed, if you had just been an obedient pet, like I trusted you to be! You betrayed me! You lead them all out, fed them lies! I lost them all, my precious toys, my beautiful pretty playthings! I lost them all because of _you,_ you worthless piece of—” suddenly her voice stopped, the jagged glass and rusty knife she had been using clattered to the floor as she followed them, slumped over her own instruments.

               If he had been awake, Hakyeon would have been shocked, exuberant, but shocked at the sight before him. Hongbin stood behind the witch, the doll dissolving in his hands and the sharp post she had used to stab his arm before dripped with the Witch’s blood from where he had stabbed her to save the man he had once sacrificed himself for. He crouched, throwing the weapon from him as he felt for N’s pulse, frantic to make sure he was still alive.

               It was there, thready and weak, but there. He breathed a sigh of relief before scooping the boy up, turning and beginning to run, praying somehow, he would find his way out of the maze the Witch had constructed when she had first kidnapped him, the maze that she had built to prevent escape. He stopped in shock as he watched walls begin to dissolve, the maze itself disappearing as the woman’s influence began to weaken.  He hurried forward then as he noticed a doorway and familiar voices calling for him and “Hakyeon”? He glanced down at N, realization dawning. It fit, the name truly fit this brave man. He smiled.

 

               Two years later the six boys gathered at the house one last time. They all stared up at the Ivy covered building before nodding to each other as they each lugged a can into the house and began to dump the contents over every square foot of the space. Hakyeon limped a little as he went and Hyuck ended up helping him finish as their de facto leader rubbed at his sore muscles, a wistful smile crossing his face as he remembered the dancing career he had lost to their nightmare. Making their way back out, Taekwoon dug out a box of matches and handed them to Hongbin to light. The man tossed the flames at the house and they watched as their past went up in flames.

               Hakyeon looked around him at the boys, watching as Jaehwan cuddled Hongbin and Hyuck wrapped himself around Wonsik all four seeking and earning comfort from each other, watched over by Taekwoon who was hugging Hakyeon in a comforting gesture. Each of them had lost so much to their shared nightmare, Hakyeon his dance career, Jaehwan and Hyuck still had nightmares and needed someone near them almost all the time, Wonsik and Hongbin’s eyes would never be the same and their teenage years had been swept away in the wake of their kidnappings. Taekwoon would never admit it, but sometimes he found himself still there, lost in his own memories until one of them brought him back to reality. They had survived though, and Hakyeon was proud. They were mending slowly, but surely. They were well and Truly Free of the Voodoo Doll.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I wrote this. It was a lot of fun, but Lord I got dark 'XD So glad to post it now! Comments are always appreciated! Thank You for reading!


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